I don’t think I’m alone when I say that I put off doing a 9th Step for some time. I was afraid of the reactions from my loved ones, to whom I did my 9th Step. I was afraid of being misunderstood and rejected. How could I even begin to think that I wondered? These were my family members – most significantly my children. Still, the fear was real and almost paralyzing.
Having come back to OAHOW after all those long years away, I knew the only way to keep my abstinence and remain in recovery was to work the steps, and that included Step 9. And so I did. Both the 4th Step and then the 9th Step were, for me, the most difficult but ultimately the most freeing steps I worked (and continue to work). I felt real humility for the first time that I can remember. I know that those steps are meant, among other things, to do just that because I played the resentful “victim” most of my life. Once I did my 9th Step the healing began, owning only what was mine to own without blame and cleaning up “my side of the street” expecting nothing in return except the continued gift of abstinence. Fortunately, in my case, my 9th Step was accepted with love and forgiveness not only given to me through grace, but also given to myself – something I could never remember doing.
Since then, I have become a Step sponsor. I humbly try to use my experience, strength and hope to help others “unpack” their bags. Doing so helps keep me honest, open, and willing. And only by God’s grace have I come to know this “new freedom and new happiness” as a result of working the steps. A promise realized.
