Welcome to OA Tri-County

Step One “We admitted we were powerless over food — that our lives had become unmanageable”.

Step One is about powerlessness, but it poises me to regain the power I have lost. I remember my first winter in the program: I was powerless over my anxiety and restlessness, and I ate to calm myself down. We had a snow day at work, and I did not know what I could possibly do all day at home. Historically, I had baked all day on those winter days when I didn’t have to go to work. I would bake and cook and eat all day. I would be distracted and numb from cooking and eating and the day would drift off and then I could go back to work and be even more distracted. I never had to stop and face how alone I really felt.

That day I called my sponsor, and she asked me If I had anything that I loved to do besides eating. The truth was “NO”. I didn’t really love anything except food and how it eased and calmed me in that first bite. For some reason I had bought a set of paints and a canvas, and I told her that I might be willing to set that up and throw some paint on the canvas. And that was what I did on that day when I was coming off of sugar, flour, and wheat and I was facing the powerlessness of myself. I picked up the paints and started painting and I lived through the day.

This is a season where some may have cooked and baked and eaten and lost ourselves somewhere along the way. The First Step is vital to finding the lost person underneath our walls we have built with food. Some of the best advice I have ever been given is “Sit on your hands and cry”. I did that a lot, and I still do when life gets overwhelming. Just like I didn’t die from a day of abstinent eating, I will not die from any feelings that make me feel powerless.

Step One is a beautiful step. Just like Julie Andrews sang, “ Let’s start at the very beginning, A very good place to start”, Step One is the ONLY way I can begin. By admitting I am powerless I can seek out a power greater than myself. I can sit on my hands and cry because, depending on what I am dealing with today, I may need to cry about how lost I feel in this moment. I can feel the emotions flow through me like a tidal wave that I THINK will destroy me, then I can breathe when I realize I lived through it and didn’t die.

How will you ease and love yourself through this season? Maybe you can buy yourself some paints and throw some paint on a canvas like I did. That day started my journey to painting, and in my art, I’ve found something that satiates my deep loneliness more than food ever did. Maybe YOU can try a new hobby or learn the name of a bird you see on these bare winter trees. Maybe you can call a friend or someone you would like to be friends with. Maybe you can reach out to someone you know is struggling worse than you. Maybe you can watch a funny video or make a video yourself so others can be entertained. Whatever you do on these cold winter days will help you find yourself. I say I am a grateful compulsive overeater, and I am! How else would I have learned that I had hidden my true nature underneath the food?

May the First Step warm your heart on these cold winter days. May you see how your powerlessness poises you to uncover your true beautiful nature. May you stay warm in the fellowship of Overeaters Anonymous